It is every Father’s dream. My first bank holiday weekend alone with my two kids Amy and Stephen (4 and 5 respectively). Their mother was away visiting the folks (hahaha, the poor soul) and I was free to have a fun time with my two favourite little angels (the girl at least). I was so excited that I decided to document the entire bank holiday weekend in a diary. This was going to be fun.
Day 1: Friday
It is Friday late afternoon and my wife has just left for her weekend away with the folks. I have been really looking forward to this. I’ve planned many shenanigans, fun games, fancy food (by kids standards) and maybe even a scary movie if they are good 😉 . All bets are off now that mother goose is out of the pen. Let us begin!
Later:
The incessant crying of both kids for their mother has finally seemed to subside, as they resign themselves to the fact that the larger, taller, hairier child has somehow been put in charge. I personally think Stephen, my 5 year old, is annoyed that me, and not him, was given the spot of supreme leader. Maybe if you’d stop wetting the
bed a little earlier you’d have stood a better chance Stephen. I’m pretty tired from all the crying and consoling of the kids, so after I put them to bed I may get an early night myself, and then tomorrow the fun shall proceed!
Day 2: Saturday
The children grow stronger and more self aware by the hour. The scared children of yesterday have adapted quickly to the new regime, perhaps too well. First it’s breakfast time and then an entire day of amusing adventures.
Later:
The tables appear to have turned. The kid’s did not want to partake in my designated activities and instead went rogue. This necessitated a much hated bath time, which couldn’t have been more difficult had it not being two kids, but a pack of ravenous labradors.
Later again
Here I am in the evening, my plan to watch a scary movie has been replaced with a many hour marathon of those damned two dimensional cartoon pigs. (It’s 2020, get some CGI for the love of God.) The little girl, my 4 year old Amy, is now the one to watch. I don’t know how, but through some sort of child/female voodoo she has managed to organise the entire scenario to her personal taste. She may not be able to string together a completely coherent sentence, or tie her shoes, but she has an innate ability to manipulate her surroundings to suit her whims.
Day 3: Sunday
This is supposed to be Day 3 but the children rudely refuse to stick with my preplanned writing schedule, so it will have to go in here instead.
After a surprisingly tiring day, I put the kids to bed and continued to watch Pepper the Pig (It kinda grows on you after a while. It’s a soothing repetitive story that reminds me of late night TV shopping.)
After a while I decided to switch to an activity a little more…grown up. With the kids safely asleep I began my favorite late night ritual, with no kids or wife to judge me. Or so I thought.
I was mid…activity…at the peak of pleasure when Stephen walked in and caught me..devouring an entire bag of gummy bears. The big ones. Stephen looked horrified, and quite frankly betrayed. For years I had been telling him how sweets were a special treat, once a week, and even then only a small handful.
5 years down the drain. But damn it, I’m a grown ass man. I can eat a whole bag of gummy bears if I want, you’re not my real dad!
Later:
The house is a mess, the kids are hyper, and my brain is fried. I had always wanted to be one of those fun dads who has a cool video on facebook of all the crazy things I did with my kids while the Mom was away, but I’m just too tired. Yeah sure, lots of things have happened, but none in a way that could be planned, choreographed and filmed, at least not in a way to form a good succinct facebook video. Luckily the real supreme ruler will be back tomorrow to relieve me of my duties and I may return to the role of lovable Jester.
Day 4: Monday
Their mother is here. I’m going back to bed now. Next time I get to take the weekend off. 😁
*just for fun!!
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