Kids are great aren’t they? They give you endless amounts of joy and you often sit and wonder what your life would be without them. That’s on a good day, and I say because the days they are a blessing are singular, and happen maybe once, max twice a week, and it’s usually when they’re asleep. The truth is kids can be real jerks, in nappies, when they’re actually happy to wear them and not pee on your furniture or on the pet cat. As an aside, I now know why cats roam, for months on end.

Nowadays you hear about ‘first world problems’; problems that in the greater scheme of things are actually insignificant, like ‘argh, just received my brand new Land Rover and the sales person spelt my name wrong’, or ‘my three iPhones battery life sucks so bad I have to use one of my five smart phones during the day’.

Recently I saw on a friend’s Facebook status that she was ‘so over this jetlag’ since arriving home from their long overseas holiday. I responded with ‘First world problems. Must be nice to have them!’ My now unfriended friend responded rather curtly that she found my comment to be rude and inappropriate because jetlag is a very real problem and not pleasant at all.

In my opinion the only thing worse than an adult with first world problems is a toddler with 101 of them; how on earth does someone that has their butt wiped for them have any problems?

My toddlers’ first world problems

1. The battery died on the iPad and she couldn’t beat her highest score

2. Every time she asks to go to the toilet on a journey the DVD player in the car stops and the movie starts from the beginning

3. That the sushi he had for lunch didn’t have enough avocado, which he specifically asked the ‘man with the white hat’ to not put in

4. That we couldn’t pause a real-life game and rewind it to the “funnest” bit

5. That we refused to forcibly pull out teeth so the tooth fairy could bring him €5

6. After asking, no insisting, that we take a photo of him he doesn’t want to be ‘stuck’ in my mobile phone

7. That we’re not divorced and she can’t have two houses, two bedrooms and two swimming pools

8. That he can’t climb into the TV and be on Blaze and the Monster Machines

9. I won’t let him really drive my car. He’s three!

10. I won’t allow her to brush the dogs fringe with my toothbrush

11. I won’t allow him to cut my hair with real scissors, not play-play ones

12. The ratio of her green to white Oatees is wrong

13. When I pick him up from bed by his arms and not his feet and don’t carry him upside down to the living room, to avoid narrowly missing his head on the cement step and cracking it open

14. That he can’t bath with clothes on and can’t go naked to the restaurant

What keeps your toddler up all night?